Swapping teams
by Skimx
Summary: I have decided, as of today, everybody has been assigned a new partner. What will happen? Kisame x Deidara , Sasori x Pein, Hidan x Tobi not Madara Zetsu x Kakuzu. Rated M for Possible citrus/lime/lemon. My first fanfic, ever.
1. Disclaimer

I think I'll just do all the disclaimers now so I don't have to every page. (I post all my chapters on my Deviantart first, then copy them into here.)

Disclaimer page:

Akatsuki © to Masashi Kishimoto

Shaving Cream © to Benny Bell

Motteke! Sailor Fuku © to Lucky Star

Akemi © to me. (Even though I sometimes miss name her Ameri, her original name.)

!!!WARNING!!!

This fanfic may contain (from most likely to least likely):

Yaoi

Citrus

Swearing

Sexual humour

lime

lemon.

This is my first fanfic, so please review and tell me what I can improve.

Thank you for reading, Zoroslangel.


	2. The Challenge The change

Prologue: The Challenge

**Deidara POV **

**"Akatsuki members, role your lazy asses out of bed and get down to the meeting room. I have a VERY important announcement to make."** said the crackling voice of our leader over the loudspeaker, witch was actually just a megaphone attached to a system of metal pipes around the base.

"Stupid cheap-ass Kakuzu." groaned a groggy Deidara, as he attempted to role out of bed, his attempt unsuccessful, considering he landed face first on the cold, stone floor.

_Well, it can't get any worse..._ he though. Boy, oh boy was he wrong.

First, he tripped while trying to get his pants on, ripping of one of the legs in the process. Next, he slipped on the floor, still wet from the wax Sasori-Danna uses on his dolls -I mean puppets!- and knocks over one of the many buckets of paint adorning the walls, which -of course- lands on his head.

"Screw this!" huffed the discomposed blonde, or pink-ette now,as he headed out the door, with his new avant-garde, if that's what you could call it, sense of style.

This had better be pretty damned important.

Chapter #1: The Change

**Kisame POV **

As everyone gathered in the kitchen -Leader just calls it the meeting room because he doesn't believe that it is proper to call a meeting at the same table we eat breakfast at- I hear my stomach start to protest at the lack of food._ I swear, this thing is a bottomless pit._ I think, fetching myself a bowl of cereal, witch forces a scowl from Leader at the other end of the table.

"Kisame, I do not believe it is the appropriate time to be eating." said their Leader in his cool, monotone voice.

"Well, Sir, I'd usually wait until after the meeting, but since it happens to be 5:30 am, I think I should at least be allowed to eat. Unless, of course, if you like hearing my stomach grumble from across the room, then go ahead, take my food away." snapped Kisame.

...

Silence.

...

"I thought so." he replied before continuing his meal.

_I swear, that guy has more than a stick up his a**, more like a vacuum cleaner._ he thought, imagining his beloved Leader, trying to pull their cheap, Oreck 8 pound vacuum out of his behind when the door base door opened with a slam! and made him jump right out of his seat.

If he thought that was scary, he shouldn't have turned around.

There, standing in the doorway, was a pissed off, pink haired, one pant leg wearing, bed-head sporting Deidara, who, looked like he could just about blow the base sky high, no bombs need.

"What. The hell. Is_ SO_ important, that I need to wake up at 5 AM!" screamed the pink haired man.

...

Silence.

...

"D-Deidara?" questioned Sasori, bracing himself for the usual morning fit.

He did not disappoint.

"No, the tooth fairy!" screamed Deidara. "Of course it's me, doll-boy hm!" Sasori flinched "Can't you learn to clean up after yourself?! First the wax, then the paint yeah! Start taking care of your things hm! If you weren't so obsessed with that pink haired Konoha girl, I wouldn't be like this!" he continued. Now it was Leader's turn to flinch.

"SHUT UP!" bellowed the pierced man, anger flashing through his rinnengan grey eyes. At this, everyone stopped and settled down, the only sound coming from Kisame, who, was chewing slowly, trying his best not to make any sound over the deadly silence.

After everyone had seated themselves, Leader addressed them with the matter at hand.

"It has come to my attention, that there are some ... internal... disputes amongst out teams-"

"Got that

Fuckin' straight." uttered Hidan, under his breath, before being smacked over the head by one angry 85 year old zombie.

"... As I was SAYING," continued Leader, the earlier actions earning Hidan a menacing stare. "SOME teams, don't seem to get along as well as hoped. Same for socializing between each other, so I have decided, as of today, everybody has been assigned a new partner. Including myself." he concluded.

"WHAT!?" shouted every member of the organization, including Konan, who seemed to be baffled by her childhood friend's choice in not telling her."

"The partners have already been picked by random drawing, no fussing, no fighting, and no KILLING." he announced, giving a sharp look at Hidan and Kakuzu.

" This is a temporary fix, to help you understand WHY I put you in your original pairs in the first place. The teams are, Konan and Itachi-" the first letting out a sight of relief, while the later just continued to glare across the room.

"- Kakuzu and Zetsu-" "Da- I mean... great." uttered a clearly upset Kakuzu, where as Zetsu's eyes filled with glee, at finally having an actual member, and someone who WASN'T completely retarded as a partner.

"- Tobi and Hidan-" "Fuck! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck ,Fuck ,Fuck ! WHY do I have to partner up with HIM?!" yelled Hidan at the top of his immortal lungs. "HIDAN!" bellowed Leader, giving him another hard stare. "W-What's wrong with Tobi?" came a muffled voice from next to Zetsu. "Is..H-Has Tobi been a bad boy?" He asked, looking down as he said it. _"No, Tobi has been a good boy."_ comforted Zetsu's white side.** "Damn annoying, but not BAD."** continued his black side.

"Continuing. Kisame and Deidara, Sasori and I. Pack up your things, and move into your new rooms. Here's the new layout..."

My heart stopped cold.

_Deidara? _

The over-sensitive, angry, girly, ex-terrorist was going to be MY partner!? That was one of the things I actually liked about Itachi. No emotions. They're too much to handle.

_Great. Just, great. And from the look on his face, he's just as upset as I am._


	3. First impressions

Chapter #2: first impressions

**Deidara's POV **

As Sasori was busy packing up his things, -Sasori would be moving out, Kisame would be moving in, and Konan would take up Kisame's old room- Deidara opted for a shower. He turned the water up as high as he could, undressing quickly before jumping into the scalding hot water. The heat sent shivers up his spine as he thought over the events of the past few hours.

Kisame would be replacing his Danna. **HIS** Danna. Not Pein's.

_I mean, I've always done my best to impress him, now It'll be even harder to show him how much I love him._ he mused, melancholy clouding his thoughts. As he washed out the paint encrusting his hair, a short knock on the door notified him of another presence in his and Danna's- no, _Kisame's_ room.

"What do you want!" he said opening the door, only to run face first into someone's muscular chest.

**Kisame's POV **

I entered my new room, taking in my surroundings- I didn't exactly feel like blowing up at the moment. The room was separated in two halves, the left, being completely empty, must be mine, whilst the other half was adorned with scorch marks from explosions gone wrong. The beds were simple and cheap, like everything else since Kakuzu joined. There was a joint closet and dresser, with a metal separator down the middle. I quickly started to unpack my clothes, hanging what I could in the closet, and shoving the rest in on the floor. I never was the type to be organized, and I _definitely_ wasn't starting today. I hung my sword of the bedpost and threw my comforter onto the bed. That's when I noticed the water running in the shower.

_Better go say hi to my new roomy."_ I thought as I knocked on the door and waited. Just as I was bout to knock again, the door _whooshed_ open, and out came the sexiest- I mean, Deidara running straight into my chest. Realizing what was happening, I backed away, allowing the other to run into the bathroom and get changed, as I sat on the edge of my bed.

After a minute, he emerged, half dressed in simple slacks and a short fishnet top that revealed his midriff and his abs. _I alway though he was just a lanky teenager, guest I was wrong._ I thought.

We sat there in awkward silence before I dared to break it. "Well, as you know my name is Kisame Hoshigaki. I'm from Kirigakure and I was a part of the seven ninja swordsmen of the mist. I'm 29, my birthday is March 18, my blood type is AB, I'm 195 cm and weight 83.1 kg. My favorite food is shrimp and crab..." I rambled on.

I'm not good with first impressions, and since I've never really talked the the blonde bomber before, this qualifies. "My least favorite is shark fin soup-" I continued before a howl of laughter interrupted my little rant.

Deidara was leaning over the edge of his bed, laughing and clutching his stomach."...What's so funny." I asked, making him pause and then laugh _louder_."What!?" I said, louder than before.

"I-I'm just happy my p-partner isn't a cannibal too un!" He said, catching his breath.

"Oh..."I say before it clicks"Hey! I AM **NOT** A SHARK!" I bellowed bringing on another round of laughter.

"So how about you?" I ask gruffly, embarrassed about the current situation."... What?" asked the blonde, looking confused. "I just spilled my guts tou to you, now it's YOUR turn." I responded sternly. _Like HELL I'm going to be the only one laughing here._ I though.

"Well..." he started "As YOU know, my name Deidara, and I'm and artist from Iwagakure, hm. They know nothing about art, hm! Art is the fleeting moment before destruction! THAT is art, hm." he said smugly. "I'm 19 years old, born May fifth, and I am 166cm and weigh 50.8 kg. I have the same blood type as you hm, my favorite food is surimi, and I am 100% male!" he finished smiling.

"You sure about that last part, shortie?" I ask mockingly, a smirk growing across my blue face.

"Are _YOU_ sure about now being a cannibal?" he asked, with a smirk to match.

Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.


	4. Snuggling

Chapter #3: Snuggling

**Deidara's POV**

"Un..." I moaned while trying to pry open my eyes to no avail.

_**Start Flashback**_

_"Kisame, what's that?" asked Deidara, pointing towards an old album laying near the blue man's pillow. "Oh, that? That's my photo album. Here, take a look." He said, passing it over to the curious blonde. The album was brown and cracked along the spine from all the times it was left open over the years. _

_The first couple pages were filled with pictures of a small boy, with blue-toned skin, standing next to a petite, raven haired woman, and her tall, muscular husband, looking like almost an exact copy of his new partner. "Are those your parents, yeah?" he asked. _

_"Yeah, my father was a builder. They died when I was 13. Building collapsed on them, leaving me and my little sister on our own." said the shark to no one in particular and staring off into the distance. _

_"So this must be your little sister,un." said Deidara, pointing to a picture to a cute little five year old, holding her big brother's hand in front of a foggy river. Young Kisame looking away in embarrassment, a pink blush making it's way across his skin. Her eyes -a softer copy of her brother's- stilled shined brightly after all the years of being stuck in a mouldy photo album, and a small blush over the pale blue tone of her skin. _

_"Yeah, her name is Akemi, Ake meaning bright, and Mi meaning beautiful." he said. _

_"She was one of the reasons I stayed in my village as long as I did. Her smile could brighten up a room." he said ,smiling softly, looking very serene, before sobering over, and becoming serious. _

_"That was until she disappeared. I went looking for her, but to no avail. People said it was because I was a freak. So I killed a few people, and ran off..." he trailed off._

_**End Flashback**_

_I didn't mean to make him feel so upset, un._ I though._ I should apologize, yeah._

But, when I tried to get up, I felt something heavy on top of me, pinning me down. "W-What the hell?" I said, trying to see what, or _who_ was on top of me. While I struggled, a blue arm wrapped around my waist pinning me down... _Wait, a __**blue **__arm?_

"..."

**"KISAME! GET THE HELL OFF ME YEAH!"**

**Third Person POV**

"KISAME! GET THE HELL OFF ME YEAH!"

"Deidara's awake." said Itachi cooly. The rest of the Akatsuki had jumped from their seats, Tobi clinging to Hidan's neck, while the later was crying bloody murder, and prying at his neck, trying to breathe.

"-get away from me un!" yelled Deidara, speed walking down the hallway with a flustered Kisame at his heels.

"W-wait, Deidara-san! What did I do?" the swordsman asked. He was still confused as to why he was shoved from his bed, and then ignored by his new partner.

"I said stay away, hm! Use your own damned bed, hm!

...

Then it hit him.

"I'm so sorry Deidara-san, I didn't mean to, it's just a habit of mine!" he exclaimed, happy it wasn't because of something he consciously did.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU JASHIN DAMNED TALKING ABOUT!" screamed Hidan, after finally removing Tobi's death clutch.

"Ah! Tobi knows! Tobi knows! Kisame and Sempai were snuggling!" screamed Tobi happily, before a bomb detonated in his face, sending him flying into the wall.

"We. Were. NOT. SNUGGLING!" screamed the disheveled blonde.

"Quiet." said Itachi, in the most heart chillingly menacing voice that could freeze hell over.

"It just so happens that Kisame has a habit of snuggling things, or people when he sleeps. He must have moved over to your bed last night. All you need to do is give him an extra pillow and he should be good." continued the now calm Itachi in his usual emotionless voice.

"..."

"That's it?" said Kakuzu, standing in the doorway. "I, was woken up, because of THAT." the question being more of a statement.

_Let it go._ said Zetsu, entering the room. **It's not like you were sleeping anyways."**

"Zetsu-san! I missed you!" said Tobi, bounding over to his best friend to give him a hug.

_"Get..off...me!"_ **"Before I eat you!"**

"Ah! Hi-Tan! Save me, Zetsu-san is going to eat me!" he yelped, hiding behind the immortal.

"Everyone's head's turned around to stare at the new team-mates.

"..."

A howl of laughter that could probably be heard in Konoha erupted from the dining room.

"H-Hi-Tan?!" questioned Kakuzu between giggles.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" yelled the masochistic albino, a blush creeping it's way onto his face.

"At... at least I'm not afraid of heights!" he screamed.

"..." more silence, as everyone turned their heads towards an embarrassed Kakuzu who, was rapidly turning red.

Another round of laughter came from the table. Konan was laughing so hard, she couldn't breathe, and Pein was panicking to help her, witch made it all the funnier.

Until she fainted.

After that, everyone quietly decided they had laughed enough and ate their breakfast in peace.

...for now.


	5. Shaving cream issues

Chapter #4: Shaving Cream Issues

**Kisame POV**

After everyone had finished eating, and dispersed to do god knows what, I caught up to Itachi in our- no. His and Konan's room.

" 'tachi-san."

"Kisame-san."

"Um..." I said rubbing my neck "Thanks for saving my hide back with Deidara-san and all." I started. It was never easy conversing with Itachi, considering he doesn't say much. His silences aren't awkward, just... there.

"No need to thank me. He needed to know." he said simply. That's one of the things I admire about him. He can easily answer anything without a moments though.

"Yeah, well, it was nice of you to tell him that before he planted bombs at the end of the bed." I said grinning.

"...yeah." he said before walking off.

_Well, that was pointless._ I thought. My **real** reason for talking to Itachi, was to discuss my anxiousness of the previous night.

"Akemi..."

"... Who's Akemi?" came a small voice from behind me. I jumped slightly, before turning around to face a stoic Sasori.

"None of your business." I retorted. Who does he think he is? I barely even know the guy!

"all right... but if it involves Deidara getting hurt in anyway, I will gut you right here. Right then. No. Questions. Asked."

"... What are you, his boyfriend?" I said, quickly regretting it. An academy student could come up with a better comeback than that. What is wrong with me!

"...hm." he said before walking of. Before he could get too far though, I was able to see the pink tint over his cheeks.

_What was THAT about?_ I pondered.

**Deidara's POV**

It was a beautiful,cloudless, sunny day.

"Perfect day for art, un!" I said in a singsong voice.

"Sempai!" Cried out a voice from behind me.

"And here comes my target!" I said through gritted teeth.

"Sempai, are you going to train? Asked the masked boy innocence practically rolling off him.

"yeah, you, hm?" I asked already knowing his answer.

"Tobi is going to train with Hi-Tan! " he answered gleefully.

I stopped in my tracks.

Hi-Tan? He was going to train with _**Hi-Tan **_instead of me?

"Hi-Tan taught Tobi a song, Sempai! Want to hear it?"

"S-sure,un..."

I have a sad story to tell you.

It may hurt your feelings a bit.

Last night when I walked into my bathroom,

I stepped in a big pile of...

Deidara's Eyes were as wide a dinner plates. _Oh god, What did Hidan teach him, un!_ I Fumed.

Shaving cream, be nice and clean!

Shave everyday and you'll always look keen!

I was speechless. _Zetsu is going to kill-no, eat him!_ thought a panicking Deidara.

"Tobi! Promise me you will never, EVER sing that song in from of Zetsu, all right yeah?!"

"...all right, Sempai... But- Oh! There's Hi-Tan! Bye bye, Sempai!" he said before running of to join his team-mate giggling madly.

Once I was up in the air, I put my hand to my face, and rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"This whole 'team swap' is taking a toll on my sanity... What do you two think?" I mumbled, putting my hands in front of me, and looking at the mouths

My left hand was grinning, showing a full row of teeth, while the other stuck out it's tongue at me.

"What the hell? Worried about him? Why would I be worried,hm!" I said, knowing I wouldn't get a response.

This has always been my way of dealing with my feelings. I mean, who can understand you better than yourself?

"What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong, hm! Kisame is acting depressed hm, Hidan is turning Tobi into a mini version of himself, yeah, and I haven't herd a thing from Sasori in the past two days since 'the swap' un!" I yelled at my hands, who only continued to make silly faces at me.

"... What's the point of talking to you, you don't understand -hell, you don't even have ears, hm!" I mused, bringing my owl back down to the ground.

"I need a better way of dealing with stress..." I mumbled, packing up my clay and heading back towards the base.

**3rd person POV**

"162.786...162.787...162.788...162.789...162.790..." counted the Akatsuki finance manager in his, deep, yet monotone voice.

"_Still counting?_" asked Zetsu, appearing out of the floor. "**Do you have anything better to do with your immortal life?**"

"Yes, I'm not finished yet." he replied, completely ignoring Zetsu's darker personality. Over the past two days, he had learned it was best to only listen to his white side. On the occasion that the black side _did_ say something nice, it was usually some ill disguised manner of trying to eat him.

_Like hell I'll let that happen._ he thought gruffly _I've been alive for 85 years, I can tell when someone is tricking me._

Both of Zetsu's halves smirked, and sat down on the bed next to the zombie.

Even though he acted like he hated the plant man, he actually found his company to be quite... pleasant? No, he didn't have that word in his vocabulary. More like... rewarding? Nothing seemed to fit it just right. He somehow like having the cannibal near. He was quiet, spoke politely -well, half of him anyways- and he intrigued him. Within the past few days, he had gotten quite close to the young man, and felt a strong sense of protection for him.

"162.888...16.889...-" "_162._**890.**" finished Zetsu. laying back on his bed.

"hmf."

Things have become quite interesting...


	6. Truth Or Dare?

Chapter #5: Truth or Dare?

**3rd person POV**

Just as Deidara entered the headquarters after his morning training, the loudspeaker crackled to life, the sound resonating down the empty halls.

_**Akatsuki members. Seeing as you have yet to socialize amongst anyone except your partner, tonight, we will have a game night.**_

Kakuzu spit out the tea he was enjoying and looked at the speaker with disbelief. "A GAME NIGHT?! WHAT PART OF 'EVIL ORGANIZATION' DOESN'T LEADER UNDERSTAND!" he bellowed.

_**Attendance is mandatory-"**_ continued leader, his voice sounding sinister through the system of metal tubes. _**-and if you are to skip out, you will be punished in the most humiliating way. Be in the TV room, tonight at 7:00.**_ he concluded.

Ever seen the face of person so shocked, that you start worrying that their soul has left their body? That was the kind of face every Akatsuki member was wearing, except for Tobi, who was so excited, he was practically bouncing off the walls.

{°}°{°}°{ ... Later that evening... }°{°}°{°}

Just as the clock hit 7:00, Sasori entered the room, followed by Leader.

"Hm..." he huffed, scrutinizing the area "It appears that everyone is here." he said quietly, sitting down in one of the large armchairs adorning the room.

"The game we shall play today is..." he trailed off, leaving the entire room in anticipation, and fear "Truth or Dare." he finished.

You could have heard a pin drop.

"Fucking TRUTH or Fucking DARE?" squeaked Hidan, his voice high pitched, in fear of getting the so called 'punishment'.

"And for those of you who... lack in participation... or think lying will get you out of this, I have put up a barrier that makes you tell the truth and move against your will, when it's your turn. I hope this game will help us get to know each other better."

And so the game began...

**Deidara's POV**

_Truth or Dare, hm? Maybe I can use this to find out what wrong with Hoshigaki-san... and maybe, find out is Sasori-Danna likes me, un!_ I thought, an evil smirk spreading across my face like a wildfire.

"Let us start." said Leader, putting a bottle in the middle of the floor, nodding at Sasori-Danna, who used his chakra strings to spin it.

Everyone was quiet, wondering who would get the first turn...

Hidan.

"Damn straight!" He said, smirking. "So... _Kuzu-chan~_" he said, his voice laced with fake sweetness, causing the later to spit out his tea. AGAIN.

"Truth, or dare?" asked the albino, grinning sadistically.

"Dare." replied Kakuzu, grimacing and awaiting the pain.

"Perfect!" exclaimed an ecstatic Hidan "I, Hidan dare YOU Kakuzu-"

"Get on with it." interrupted Kisame, a bored look on his face.

"Pft! Whatever, Fish-sticks." he retorted, shooting an annoyed glare at the blue ninja. "I dare Kakuzu to do... The Lucky Star, Sailor Fuku dance!" he said before laughing maniacally.

"... the what, hm?" I asked, confused.

"Oh! Oh! Tobi knows! Tobi will do it with Kakuzu-san!" he said, jumping up, grabbing ahold of the reluctant Taki-nin.

"Alright, as long as that money-whore does it, I don't care." he said ,shrugging.

Tobi then went over to the CD player, and got ready in the middle of the room.

Aimai san senchi sorya puni tte koto kai? Choh!

Rappingu ga seifuku...daa furi tte kotanai pu.

Ganbaccha yacchaccha

Son to kyaacchi & Release gyoh

Ase (Fuu) ase (Fuu) no tanima ni Darlin' darlin' F R E E Z E!!

As the music continued, I found it harder and harder to keep my laughter contained, and Kakuzu relatively happy. Once it reached the point where Kakuzu and Tobi hand their hands on they're hips, and were shaking them back and forth, I lost it, causing a chain reaction with the rest of the group watching the spectacle. I had my eyes closed and was rolling on the floor, holding my stomach for dear life. As the dance came to an end, I reached up to grab something for support while I stopped laughing.

"Um... Deidara, can you let go of my arm?." came a voice I would recognize anywhere. Looking up, my blue eyes found his chocolate brown ones.

Sasori-Danna.

"Ah! Sorry,un! I d-didn't mean to..." I trailed off, looking away.

"... It's fine." he replied.

I reluctantly got up, and moved back to my original spot next to the Kiri-nin -my _"partner"_- the one who was replacing my precious Danna...

As I sat down, the taller, and obviously more muscular man, leaned over to me "Are you all right? You look, well, _blue..._" he whispered, only loud enough for my to hear.

"y-yeah!" I said, jumping back a little bit. _. I hope Danna didn't see that..._ I thought.

As Kakuzu sat down, mumbling something about 'punishing Hidan for what he did', Hidan reached out with his scythe to spin the bottle.

...

...

...

Zetsu.

_"I guess I will, if I have too. _**I pick...**" he said glancing across the room **" Leader-sama. Truth? or **_**DARE?"**_

The whole room went silent.

"... Truth." replied the red head.

"_Great. I'll get straight to the point. _**Who are you dating?**" he asked simply, his darker left side grinning, while his lighter right half remained impassive.

"... Impressive deduction." he said cooly, standing up slowly and making his way towards the centre of the room.

"Why doesn't the person in question come up here."

I held my breath _I wonder who it is? Probably Konan..._ I thought.

The person who went up... I would never have guessed.

Sasori.

He was Leader's lover.

They embraced each other in the centre of the room. They looked so... _**Happy?**_ said the little voice of reason in the back of my head. I shoved it back. _No. They can't be happy..._ I kept telling myself... until they kissed.

I think I heard my heart shatter, because as soon as it happened, I stood up, tears welling up in my visible eye, and I darted towards my room.

But, as I made my way down the hall, a strong arm grabbed me from behind.

I hoped it was my Danna. I knew I was wrong, but I still hoped.

For once this week, I was right.

It was Kisame, but the expression he wore... was different than usual. Usually, he has a big, toothy grin, sometimes happy, other times sadistic. But right now, he looked like he was... concerned? No. He couldn't be.

_It's probably just because I'm his team-mate, and he doesn't want me to mess up his life._ I thought.

"...Let go of me, un." I said quietly, the usual edge of my voice disappearing in all the tears.

"No." he said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"You don't actually care, so let me go, hm!" I yelled, anger and hatred filling me with hidden strength. Thoughts raced through my head as I screamed. _How could Danna do this, hm! Is he so dense, he couldn't realize that I LOVED him?! I-_

_**SLAP!**_

...

...

...

The sound resonated down the empty hall.

"Never. NEVER say that." came the stern voice from the man holding me captive.

And that's when I broke down into his arms. I grabbed the front of his T-shirt and he carried me back to our room. _Our room._ I mused as he comforted me until I started to drift off into the land of sleep.

_No more. Tomorrow, I will forget about Sasori-Danna, and be strong._

My last thought before drifting of into the soft embrace of sleep was

_Kisame... Why couldn't I have fallen in love with him?_

And then it all went dark.


	7. ROB KAKUZU

Chapter #6: R.O.B . K.A.K.U.Z.U.

**Kisame POV**

_"__**Who are you dating?**__"_

_"... Impressive deduction, why doesn't the person in question come up here."_

_..._

_Sasori._

I stared at the scene unfolding in front of me. Leader and _Sasori_? I never thought I'd see the day.

I started to wonder how long they had been together, until the I felt the person beside me stand up suddenly and dash out of the room.

"W-what?!" I said, looking around to see the blondes face before he ran off.

He looked, hurt. Betrayed.

_'Why would Deidara be... unless...'_ I thought.

_**Sasori.**_

_Deidara loves Sasori._ I thought, clenching my teeth. Wait, WHY was I clenching my teeth? It's not like I like him or anything, I mean, we barely just met. I looked up, only to see Sasori shrug of his ex-partner's emotional breakdown and whisper into his lovers ear quietly, but not quietly enough to keep Kisame from overhearing.

"Hormones, they'll go away eventually."

You could practically hear Kisame's last bit of patience snap and he jumped up and pointed an accusing finger at the puppet.

"Like _HELL_ those were hormones! You know very damn well, that he cares for you! you could have at least followed him and tried to comfort him!" I roared. When I'm angry, I sound more like an animal than a human. Maybe it has something to do with the fish-like appearance.

He just stared at me as I panted, trying to catch my breath.

"... And what, do you suggest, I say?" he asked, still looking at me through his dark chocolate eyes.

"Well... I... uh..." I stuttered, taken aback. What would he have said? 'Sorry Deidara, but I'm in love with Pein?' That just would have hurt him more, since he would most likely feel inferior to the orange haired man.

"I, I don't know, but something!" I finally answered, staring him right in the eyes. And that's when I realized it. Sasori _did_ care for Deidara, just not in the same way.

_**Start Flashback**_

_"Alright... but if it involves Deidara getting hurt in anyway, I will gut you right here. Right then. No. Questions. Asked."_

_"... What are you, his boyfriend?" I said, quickly regretting it. An academy student could come up with a better comeback than that. What is wrong with me!_

_"...hm." he said before walking of. Before he could get too far though, I was able to see the pink tint over his cheeks._

_What was THAT about? I pondered._

_**End Flashback**_

"... I... I-" I stopped. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm going to go find him." I said, before speeding out of the room, taking a shortcut towards the room Deidara and I shared.

I caught up to him quickly, since he was running like a civilian instead of using flash-step.

I reached out and grabbed his around the torso before I realized I didn't have a plan.

_'Aw shit, now what do I do?!_

Looking back at him, my expression softened. His expression. It's the same one I had when I lost Akemi. Wait, was I concerned? I was NEVER concerned about anyone or anything! _'What is happening to me?!'_ I thought, going through the list of emotions in the back of my head. Then, I found it. I was **CONCERNED**. I **CARED**. And the weirdest part; I **LIKED** it. I had something to protect other than myself. Suddenly, realization hit me. (This seems to be happening to me a lot as of late.)

Feeling stronger than I ever have, I prepared myself for Deidara's wrath.

"... Let go of me un." he said pathetically.

"No." I said sternly. I was feeling pretty confident about myself until he said it.

"You don't actually care, so let me go, hm!" he screamed angrily.

_WHAT?! How DARE he belittle my feelings, I mean I just figured them out about 10 seconds ago, and here he goes, trying to use them AGAINST ME?_ I thought. Before I could stop myself, I backhanded him across the face.

_**SLAP!**_

...

...

...

The sound resonated down the empty hall.

"Never. NEVER. Say that." I said sternly.

_'Oh shit! Oh god, what did I do?! He's going to kill me! No, worse, he'll hate me!... Wait a second, did I just admit I'd rather he kill me than hate me?"_ I argued to myself over in my head.

Then -to my surprise- he grabbed the front of my T-Shirt and started to sob into it, bringing me back down to earth. I picked up his slender, yet muscular body (I STILL don't know how he does that.) and carried him to our room, laying him in bed, and holding him until he fell asleep, a wave of serenity falling over his now puffy features.

_'Never thought I'd ever see him this relaxed._ I mused to myself.

_**Knock!, Knock!**_

"... Come in" I said, just barely before the door opened and in came in a hyperactive boy and his masochistic teammate.

"... what do you two want." I asked, mostly directing the question to Hidan, who answered with a shrug before pointing his pale fingers at the younger teen.

" Tobi here fucking says he has an idea."

"Yeah! Tobi has an idea! An idea to make Deidara-sempai forget Danna!" he said, practically bouncing off his perch on the edge of the other bed.

" Oh yeah?" I asked, now remotely interested. I didn't exactly know my feelings for the blonde yet, but helping him couldn't hurt.

" Yes! but Tobi will need both of you to help if we want this to work." he said.

" I'm in." I said, without a seconds notice.

" Well, what the hell. It's not like I have anything thing else to fuckin' do." said Hidan, grinning from ear to ear.

" Okay, Tobi's plan is called The 'Relief Our Beloved, Kick Ass Killer Un Zealous Uke-bomber' from heartbreak! Rob Kakuzu for short."

"..." I glanced over at Hidan to make sure I wasn't the only one wondering where he got that name. Instead, he looked extremely excited, probably due to the the amount of stress this will cause his old roommate.

And they planned long into the night...

**3rd person POV**

"162.786... 162.787... 162.788- brr!"

_"Cold?_** I could warm you up if you just came over here...**"

"No thank you."

_'I feel like something horrible is about to happen..._

"...162.789..."


	8. Cheer up Emo Kid

Chapter #7: Cheer Up Emo Kid

**Kisame POV**

"~Kisame...~ Wake-y, wake-y!" came the voice, from beside my head. I could have sworn I know it from somewhere.

"Umf... Mom, I don't WANNA get up..."

"Oh, so now I'm mom huh?" said the unknown person, grabbing the comforter I just so happened to be lying on top of- and pulled it out from underneath me, dropping me on the floor.

"Oww! What was that for M-... Deidara?" I said after a brief pause.

"You just figuring that out yeah?" he said, from the looks of it, annoyed as hell.

"Yeah, well, quite frankly, your _WAY_ too flat chested to be my mom." I said, laughing a bit, before getting up.

"Hmf." he said, smirking a little as he marched into the bathroom "Took you long enough, yeah. I'm going to have a shower, so wait up."

_'Well, look who's acting his usual self._I thought _Maybe we wont have to use plan R.O.B. K.A.K.U.Z.U. after all. Of course, Hidan would never allow it to be cancelled due to a lack of depression in the target. He'd probably just find a new way to upset him._

I groaned, that would be all too like him, and I am NOT going to let that happen.

"... I looked at Samehada, it's blades glimmering in the morning sunlight before turning my attention to the scenery outside the window the window.

Most people assume that we Akatsuki take up hiding in the darkness of caves, or live amongst regular people, in a house. Instead, we live in an abandoned mountain trading post. One way in, one way out. This way, we aren't cooped up inside all the time, and we can avoid the masses of people in town.

Our window showed a nice view of the edge of the cliff, and the green fields bellow it, adorned by tiny white dots, farms, to be exact.

We keep the bandits away from the quiet little farmers, and in return, they give us provisions to eat. It's a simple, but good enough for us. Sometimes, we'll steal food from travelers, but usually, the fresh farm produce is all we need.

"What'cha thinking about? Came a voice from behind me causing me to jump. When I put my foot down, hoping to catch myself before I fell for the second time this morning, I slipped on a puddle of water, landing with my arms on both sides of the teen's head, one of my knees in between his thighs almost making the towel he was wearing fall off- I made a double take. Oh double sh**. Deidara, having just gotten out of the shower, had yet to put clothes on. _... His chest is quite muscular, for being so small. and there's that 4th mouth I've heard him talk about..._

I was so lost in thought, I didn't even realize, the blush that was slowly making it's way up Deidara's face.

But, one thing I DID notice, was when Tobi came flying through the door, followed my Hidan, only to stop dead in their tracks.

"Ah! Sempai! Is it adult time, because if it is, Hi-Tan and Tobi can go and-" stuttered Tobi, obviously sorry about walking in on their 'moment'.

"Ha ha ha! Hey, Fish-sticks," My eye twitched at the new nickname. "I didn't know you had the hots for Barbie over there!" he said before breaking into a fit of laughter, making both Deidara and I blush a shade darker.

"Sh-Shut up!" I said, getting up off of my roommate." He scared me, and then I slipped and- and -and then you- and Tobi- and-" I said, my thoughts in a jumble.

"Dude, we were only kidding." he said, before yelling out into the hallway. "Hey, Tobi! Get your a** back here!"

"Yes! Right away Hidan, sir! Because Tobi is a good boy!" he said, coming to a stop around the corner.

"Whatever, un. I'm leaving, you guys can come or stay behind.

"Alright, are you ready?" he said , glancing back towards Tobi and I, double meaning hidden in his words.

"Yep! Let's go R.O.B. K.A.K.U.Z.U.!" said Tobi gleefully.

**Third person POV**

As soon as the group was out of the room, a large flytrap came out of the wall, allowing the man inside to watch them enter the kitchen.

"_... We'd better make sure they don't get themselves killed._** Why? It's not our fault they're idiots.** _Because, if Deidara Hidan, Tobi and Kisame dies, Deidara is sad, and if Deidara is sad, then Sasori is sad. And is SASORI is sad..._" trailed off the white half"**The Leader is sad, plus, he'll leave Kakuzu and I to search for new members. Good plan.**"

he said, before fully removing himself from the wall, and making his was towards the kitchen. "_Recently, I have been feeling... __hungry__... but a different type. What about you?_** Why bother asking if you already know?** _Politeness, something you don't have._**And something I never will.**

And with that, the bicolored man entered the the kitchen.

{°}°{°}°{ ... In the kitchen ... }°{°}°{°}

Something was up, and he knew it.

How you may ask? Well, last night, Kakuzu counted his money... twice. The first time, he had assumed it was a mistake. But the next time he went to count it, he figured SOMEONE, had stolen a whole 15.907¥ (about 200 Canadian $) and this means war. So far, he only had one suspect._ Hidan. This time ,you have gone too far._ He thought, just as his object of hatred entered the room, unknowing that the true thief, has fiery orange-red hair, and had used the money buy himself a ring (on sale, of course) so that, when the time presents itself, he could propose to his beloved puppet. But, of course, Leader was out on important business, leaving Konan in charge, clueless to the entire matter at hand. So poor Hidan had to take the blame.

Hiding behind the pretense of reading his newspaper, he tuned his hearing in on the secret discussion, Kisame , Tobi and Hidan were having.

"-Are you ready for part two of our plan?" whispered a pre cautious Hidan, checking to make sure Deidara wasn't in earshot.

"... What was part two again?" asked a sheepish looking Kisame. _He obviously wasn't the smartest fish in his school. Well, I guess it's true what they say, fish DO only have 10 second memory span._ he thought , remembering to always write down directions if he ever needed help from the Kiri-nin.

"After breakfast, we go back to our rooms and act like everything is normal, then, Tobi and I will come back her and set up the 'surprise'. Our goal right now is to get a lighter, since we all know Leader doesn't trust us with them." he explained.

That was all Kakuzu needed to know. He was going to find a way to kill that immortal bas**d, and when he did...

While he was contemplating that thought, he didn't notice the schizophrenic walk into the kitchen.

As he was getting up to go get what -in his mind- was rightfully his -and not the organizations- a strong pale arm grasped his shoulders, pulling him back down into his seat. Looking up, he was surprised to see Zetsu, a protective look on his face.

"_ Don't. It wasn't them._" he said simply, obviously in on the secret.

" And HOW would you know that?!" spat kakuzu, pissed off that his room-mate didn't tell him what he knew.

"_They're too worried about Deidara to be pulling any stunts like that._ **Besides, Tobi is the one in charge of their operation, and he's definitely not smart enough to break into your safe.**" he replied.

" Then where do you suggest, my money went?" Kakuzu retorted, as the last of the members left the room, leaving Kakuzu and Zetsu alone.

"_ It IS the Akatsuki funds. Maybe Leader needed the money._"

" And for what, pray tell, would he need to buy that he couldn't tell me!" snapped Kakuzu. _What is going on with me? I never lose my composure. What did he do to me!"_ I fumed looking up into his golden eyes.

"_Something you wouldn't think as necessary, maybe?_" he said. Zetsu knew where the money had gone, having seen the jewelry store sale on his was back from a mission.

"Like what?" screamed the accountant, stepping closer to the plant-man.

"**... Like this**" he said, his eyes filled will lust as he grabbed the tan mans shoulders and pushed him onto the couch, roughly pressing his soft lips against Kakuzu's hard ones, causing the later to gasp, and allowing the cannibal to ravage his warm cavity.

"Mm..." groaned Kakuzu, leaning into the kiss. _I've never felt this... GOOD, before. Maybe... we can do this more often._

They kissed savagely, Zetsu's hands roaming his partners body.

Unfortunately, they had to come up for air. As both breathed heavily, embracing each other for support, Kakuzu leaned over to Zetsu's white ear and whispered. "So, does this mean were lovers?"

"_If you want to be._ **So, no harsh feelings towards your little... thief?**" he said, a hoarse whisper coming from his raw lips.

"Not at all." replied the man, his stitches coming out of the seams on his arms, and wrapping themselves around his 'lover'. _Man, I LOVE that word!_ he thought, just before he was tackled again, his back against the sofa, while Zetsu attacked his mouth, and jaw, making his way down his neck, biting down enough to draw blood.

"A-Ah..!" he moaned, his hips bucking at the strange mix of pleasure and pain.

Neither of them noticed when Tobi snuck into the room, ready to prepare the cake, and complete plan R.O.B. K.A.K.U.Z.U. when he looked over to the couch and stopped in his tracks, before running screaming down the hall.

"S-Someone! Somebody! Help! Help!" screamed Tobi, in a fearful panic.

"Tobi, what is it, un?" said Deidara, running out of his room, followed quickly by Kisame and Hidan, while Sasori, Konan and Itachi, merely stuck their heads out their doors, looks of confusion on their faces.

"I-It's Zetsu! He's eating Kakuzu's face!" He screamed.

"WHAT?!" Now, everyone way running own the hall, following Tobi as he led them to the kitchen.

"As the temporary leader, let me handle this. It might get messy." she said, a protective look in her eyes. "Zetsu! Stop eating Kaku-" she stopped, staring wide eyed into the TV room.

"What is it un..." asked Deidara, as the rest of them looked out from behind the blue haired woman's back.

The couple was still busy making out, but now their shirts had been discarded, Kakuzu feeling up Zetsu's biceps, while Zetsu's hands were down his...

**"Zetsu! Kakuzu! If your going to do things like this, do it in your room!"** screamed a frantic Konan, surprised by Zetsu and Kakuzu's sudden relationship.

As the two got up, picking up their things, Tobi mustered up enough confidence to ask what was happening.

"Hi-Tan! Why isn't Konan stopping him!" asked the confused victim, looking around as if he was out of place.

"Because, he wasn't eating him, they were f***ing making out." retorted Hidan, trying his best to look bored, when you could tell he was uncomfortable.

"But , that's not how WE did it." said the boy, causing the everyone - even the new lovers- to look over at them in shock.

"F***! You weren't supposed to talk about that!" screamed a very angry and flustered albino.

"For god's-"

"Jashin!"

"Whatever! Is EVERYBODY here GAY, un!" screamed Deidara, pointing a accusing finger towards the plant man and his lover, before moving it towards Tobi and Hidan, and finally Sasori.

"Hey, like you can say anything MS. Deidara! That's it! I'm leaving!" retorted the angry religious, before turning on his heels and stalking of towards his room, dragging a confused Tobi behind him.

_Well, there goes plan R.O.B. K.A.K.U.Z.U...._ thought Kisame.

But, the worst was yet to come...


	9. Again?

IMPORTANT NOTICE! Tobi's POV and thoughts will be written in the 3rd person, the same way he talks. I do not want to write Tobi as Madara, since I am still in denial about my cute little Tobi. So please, enjoy.

PS. I did not misspell Tobi, its a nickname.

PSS. I Just deleted the entire story by accident, so I have to restart. Removing Tobi's POV but not this notice. Now you know for the future.

PSSS. Livvi, do NOT read this chapter. (Too much for you.)

Chapter #8: Again?

**3rd person POV**

Deidara and Kisame walked into the kitchen, took one look around, and just about walked out again.

It seems the couples had decided there wasn't anything wrong with showing their love. Sasori and Pein were playing 'footsies' underneath the table while eating breakfast, while Pein traced his puppet's hand. Kisame checked to make sure Deidara was handling it, the blonde trying his best not to

Kakuzu was sitting on Zetsu's lap, counting his money, while Zetsu was kissing up and down his neck, nipping playfully at his ear, forcing a throaty moan from his stitches lips.

Nothing was as bad as the most recent couple. Hidan and Tobi were having a full-out make-out session on the sofa. Tobi -surprisingly- was straddling Hidan's hips, while the later grasped at Tobi's hair, pulling him down, deeper into the kiss, the younger male's face still hidden behind the slightly removed mask.

Kisame and Deidara were about to leave when a pale arm grabbed each of them on the shoulder. "Please, don't leave! I can't stand this." came a small voice easily identified as Konan. Kisame understood why she would be upset. Not only was she the only girl in the Akatsuki, but she was something of a big sister to everyone.

"O.K. We understand. Besides, Itachi probably isn't the best company, is he?" joked Kisame,making Konan chuckle. "Only if you enjoy talking to rocks."

"all right, let's eat in the TV room. Mr. moneybags over there won't be able to yell at us for eating on the couch any ways, yeah." he said, jabbing his finger over his shoulder, a sly grin on his face.

So the trio walked away laughing, to eat their breakfast in peace, all the while, Kisame was unconsciously watching Deidara, with a protective, caring and even slightly yearning look on his face.

He might not have noticed, but Itachi and Tobi did.

{°}°{°}°{ ... Back In The Kitchen }°{°}°{°}

Tobi stared intensely at the blue ex-Kiri nin. _So Kisame really does like sempai..._ Tobi sighed

"Yo, Tobe, what's wrong?" Came the smooth voice beneath him.

"Oh! Tobi is sorry, Hi-tan! Tobi was just thinking... _Should Tobi tell him that Tobi want's to get Hoshigaki-san and Sempai together? I mean, he is my lover and all... but..._ he thought, looking down to see that Hidan had started to pout, protruding his swollen lips out in an extremely cute way.

"Um... Tobi thinks Kisame likes Deidara."

"No offence Tobi but, No sh** Sherlock." he stated, obviously not satisfied by his answer.

"I mean, Kisame likes Deidara, the same way Tobi likes Hi-tan..." he said, shyly, the last part almost inaudible. Hidan smirked, jolting up and quickly picking up his uke in the fireman lift, slinging him over his shoulder and dragging him off to their room.

{°}°{°}°{ ... A Little While Later ... }°{°}°{°}

"So Tobi... What's the plan... for your little... matchmaking game?" huffed Hidan, out of breath.

"Tobi doesn't... know yet... what do you think... Hidan?" he asked, just as breathless as him.

"... Do you remember our first time?" he asked suddenly, an evil glint in his eyes.

"It was the second day of the swap. Your 'Sempai' blew you up because you accused him of snuggling with Kisame. F***ing figures were trying to hook them up. I was sitting on the bed when you came out in only a towel and your mask. So, I asked-"

"Demanded" corrected Tobi.

"Fine. _Demanded_ that you remove it. And when you refused, I ambushed you. The moment it was removed... Well, there were no words to describe it. You were absolutely stunning. The most beautiful person I had ever seen, and I had to have you." he purred the last part, watching the ever-growing blush on his uke's skin.

"There was something after that though. I mean... I felt... better with you than I ever did with those women I used to know... and..." Tobi waited, hoping he was going to say the three words he wanted to hear so badly.

"... Let go another round" he exclaimed, a blush creeping along his ivory skin.

Tobi was disappointed, melancholy clouding over him until Hidan bent down beside his ear and whispered so low, it was almost impossible to hear "I f***ing love you almost as much as Jashin, you idiot."

Tobi was ecstatic and willingly gave himself over the man, enjoying the pleasure of being with his love.

{°}°{°}°{ ... A Little While Later ...}°{°}°{°}

"Ugh... said Tobi, rubbing his sore backside, while Hidan pushed his black hair of his forehead.

"So... Back to... the main... subject. What do we do about... the f*** love retards." the jashinist asked, huffing the teen to his perfect chest.

"Tobi doesn't know... yet." he replied for the second time tonight.

"... Want to do it a third time?" asked the jashinist smirking down at him.

"NO! Tobi wants to be able to walk this week, thank you very much!" he huffed angrily.

"O.k., o.k. I get it. Not much of a boyfriend am I?" he said, making Tobi get redder at the mention of the word 'boyfriend'.

"So... how about we lock them in a closet?"

"No. Sempai would blow it up and then Kakuzu would probably kill Tobi."

"Ha, let him try... How about... We have a drinking contest and-"

"No!"

"fine. I guess your against drugging them too then. Uh... we could... I don't know! It's not like we could trick them into admitting that they like each other or something!" he huffed angrily at himself for not being of any help until he felt the two warm arms around him tighten.

"Oh, hi-tan! That's perfect!" squealed the boy.

"O.k. but I'm not exactly sure when to get the drugs..." he said, earning himself a sharp stare from the dark haired boys.

"Tobi meant to trick them."

"Oh... all right... You _sure_ about not wanting to do it again?" he asked playfully.

"Tobi is absolutely positive." he said, before jumping out of bed -painfully- to get ready for supper.

"Come on Hi-tan! Tobi want's to start our plan tonight!" he said cheerfully, before bounding out of the room.

"Mmf... Those mother f***ing heathens had better be happy." he grumbled, pulling on his pants so he could follow his boyfriend down the hall.


	10. Hook, Line And Sinker

Chapter #9: Hook Line And Sinker.

**Deidara's POV**

As the light on the surface of the water started to fade, I wondered if he would miss me... The one I love...

_{°}°{°}°{... The afternoon before...}°{°}°{°}_

I had just finished training and my muscles were sore. Usually I would be in perfect condition, considering my train mainly consists of blowing up inanimate objects, but today, I had agreed to start team training with Kisame, and I learned a very important lesson; a bomb cannot decelerate a tidal wave. Especially is said tidal wave, had giant chakra sharks swimming inside of it.

By the end, I was tired, bruised and completely soaked to the bone. In other words: fuddled and discombobulated beyond reason. Perfect time for Tobi to put his little, 'plan' into action.

"SEMPAI!" came the all too familiar voice as I ducked and just barely avoiding Tobi, who in turn, flying over my head smacking face first into the wall.

"What the hell hm?!" I said, not ready for the hyper active ninja right now.

"What is it Tobi, hm?" I asked, missing the slightly evil gleam in his one visible eye._ No wonder he runs into walls all the time, his depth perception must be messed up, yeah."_

"Tobi wanted to ask sempai a question!" a happy tone in his voice.

"Well, you already have,but I'll be nice and let you ask me another one, hm." my voice laced with annoyance, and confusion. _Why me, yeah?_

"Okie Dokie! Does Sempai like Hoshigaki-san?" I span around on my heels so fast, even that green clad ninja that Kisame seems to hate so passionately would be impressed.

"W-what, yeah?!" I stuttered, trying to put my incoherent thoughts together, just as Hidan walked in with the ninja in question, injured just as much as his partner.

"Tobi asked if you love Kisame." he said sweetly, a smirking on the inside of his mask, making sure Kisame heard him.

Thinking I was still answering the first question, answered "Y-yes, un." he said, blushing, making the whole set up even more likely, and falling hook line and sinker for Tobi's little plan.

"D-Dei..." came the easily confused voice of a certain swordsman, causing me to spin around again.

"Ah. Kisame-san! You heard all that, hm?!" I asked, embarrassed about being so open about my recent attachment towards the man.

Kisame, took a step back, taking the terrorist's blush and words the wrong way, his hand shooting up to cover his face as he turned twenty different shades of red.

"Well, we'll let you f***ing lovebirds alone." snorted Hidan, before grabbing Tobi around the waist and dragging him towards the kitchen for supper.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"S-so... you...*ahem!* _love_... me?" inquired Kisame, averting his eyes.

"W-What?!" My eyes shot open in shock. Thinking back... _Damn that little mask wearing creep! I am going to kill him!_ I fumed, heading down the hall to give the little freak a piece of my mind, when I remembered that Kisame was still waiting for my answer.

"I turned around to look back at the- wait, was he... _Blushing?!_ No, that couldn't be, this Is Kisame were talking about, he's **never** embarrassed.

I just stared, his face, his blush increasing in redness, making him look almost fragile, and cute.

_Whoa! I did NOT just think Kisame was cute! hm! A fluke!_ I told myself, but Tobi's words kept playing in my head, trying to mess with my brain or something.

Realizing that while I had been thinking, Kisame was still waiting for me to answer his question.

"Um... Sorry about that, Kisame-san, Tobi was trying to be funny, yeah." I answered, smiling apologetically and rubbing the back of my head.

"Oh... O.k." he said, looking crestfallen, walking down the hall.

_Why does he look so sad? I mean, it's not like he likes me or anything. I mean, He's so... so... perfect. Sure, he looks like a shark, big deal, I have __**four mouths**__, that is a lot weirder. Why would a guy like him like a girlie guy like me, un._ I argued with myself.

_Wait... why am __**I**__ sad? It's not like what Tobi said was true or anything... but... then what is this tight feeling in my chest, hm..?"_

I was confused. This was exactly how I felt around Sasori, before I learned the awful truth that broke my heart.

Then realization hit me. (Damn, I need to buy myself a helmet or something.)

_I think... I like him? Love him? Is this love? How do I know, yeah?!_ I panicked frantically.

_Wait, you JUST got over Sasori, and now your already chasing your new partner, hm?! That's not right, yeah!_ I told myself, remembering that game night 6 days ago.

_Well, as the saying goes, 'there are more fish in the sea' yeah. And this one will be __**mine**__._ I smirked, dashing down the hall after my dangerous S-rank criminal shark ninja of a crush.

**3rd person POV**

Everyone sat in the kitchen, impatiently waiting for the four missing missing-nin to show up.

"Hey, how are ya' mother f***er's doing this fine f***ing night!" came the almost overly cheerful voice of the resident Jashinist.

"What did you do now." asked a seriously impatient -and hungry- zombie.

"Oh, nothing that will cause you any trouble unfortunately. Just a little plan Tobi and I have for shark-boy and explosion-girl." he said, waving off any more questions directed at him, pulling out a chair for himself and seating Tobi on his knee.

"all right.." grumbled the now pissed off zombie, before Zetsu wrapped him in a comforting embrace.

"Ugh... It's not even worth yelling at you guys..." said Konan, as she played with her long blue locks, twisting them and twirling them around her fingers, jumping when Kisame stormed into the room, grabbed a chair and sat down right beside her, causing her to get her finger caught.

"Ouch!" she squealed, sucking on the sore finder, and glaring at Kisame with a pouty five year old face.

"Hey, fish sticks, your back early." stated Hidan, looking around. "Where's the pyromaniac?" he asked, obviously confused ,while Tobi let out a disappointed sigh.

"... I don't know. Just, let me think." he mumble, putting his elbows on the table, and using his hands to cover his face.

"..."

The table fell into an uncomfortably heavy silence as Kisame groaned. _I love him. I __**love**__ him. I.__**LOVE.**__ HIM. But, he says he doesn't like me... I don't have a chance, I mean... look at me... then look at __**him**__... I'm so... BLUE._ he thought, distastefully. _Who would love me? I was getting my hopes up too high..._ he thought before turning his head at the happy-go-lucky blonde, who was _skipping_ into the room, whistling a song he didn't recognize.

"Hey, un! let's eat, I bet your all starving!" he said happily, bringing everyone their plates, before sitting down and scooting his chair **very** close to you know who, making the blue man turn a suspiciously blush-like shade of purple.

Tobi and Hidan gaped as Deidara winked and made a hand motion towards the now magenta faced man.

_No more sitting back and waiting to be noticed because, as Albert Ellis said: The art of love, is largely the art of persistence. And boy am I persistent, yeah._ He thought grinning at his unsuspecting target coyly.


	11. The Ladder Approach

**SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!**

Since this is my first story, and the first (and only)10th chapter of my first story, I will hold...

A CONTEST! (you know you want to enter.)

All you need to do is draw me a picture of one of the pairings in any scenario you want and send it to me via comment/review/PM! It's so simple, even my pet rock Pierre could do it (not encouraged)!

Check bottom of the page for contest prizes and rules.

Thank you and hopefully you will participate!

AMS aka Zolosangel

Chapter #10: The Ladder Approach.

**3rd Person POV**

The breakfast table was finally back to how it should be. Konan had thrown a hissy fit last night and convinced Pein -as we all figured out was his name late last night amongst other disturbing things- to make a new rule stating no extreme public displays of affection while the blue haired woman was around. Tobi was chatting away with Deidara, Kisame was attempting to fill his endless void of a stomach, Kakuzu was bi**ing about the finances with Itachi, who neither said, nor ate anything. White Zetsu was trying to discipline his black side who was telling Konan all about his romance with the resident bounty hunter. Konan, was acting like a kid, and was covering her ears and singing 'The happy song' by ch!Paz at the top of her lungs. Pein and Sasori were turning a pale shade of red as Hidan started to do impressions of them last night, causing everyone to laugh.

Yes, things were definitely back to normal, until Tobi piped up with his newest plan.

"Today is Sunday, and we haven't had a break in a long time, so Tobi suggests that we go to the lake for swimming!" he said cheerfully, as the table quieted down.

"Tobi, we do not need a break. We are serious S-ranked criminals, there is no time for such things." he answer stoic as ever.

"Oh yeah? So there's no time for us to have fun, but you and Sasori can f***ing do it all night? I think you f***ing owe us for the nightmares we be having for the next month or so." snickered Hidan, nudging Tobi with his elbow and cocky smirk plastered over his face.

"... F-fine." said Pein, obviously trying to hide his embarrassment, and doing a very bad job at it.

"Everyone, we're having a day off. Go enjoy yourselves at the lake." he announced coldly glaring at the immortal furiously, an excited cheer raising from the excited group of serial killers.

"Why did you ask to go to the lake, un?" whispered Deidara, to the now, not so annoying masked ninja.

"Because, Sempai want's to see Kisame without a shirt on!" he whispered back, jumping up from his seat and dashing down the hall to catch up to the retreating back of his partner, heading towards the sanctuary of their room.

It took Deidara a few minutes to process the thought._ Kisame... in a bathing suit, un..? That could be nice, hm. Wait, what-_ he thought, realizing the blood trickling down his face from his nose a little too late.

"Looks like _someone_ is thinking perverted thoughts." said the stoic puppet master, tilting his head to the side a little.

"N-no.. Tobi just hit me when he stood up, yeah!" said the blonde, scratching the back of his head absentmindedly. Sasori raised his eyebrows questioningly at him, but decided not to push any further for answers.

"all right then! Let's get ready Deidara-san." came the excited voice of the large, yet completely oblivious shark-man, as he stood up from his spot next to Zetsu, and moved towards the doorway, stopping to wait for his partner before leaving the room.

Deidara started to get up, when Sasori leaned in to his ear -Much to Pein and Kisame's dislike- and whispered "Good luck catching the shark." he said, smiling at Deidara as he turned around, eyes wide with surprise. Deidara face slowly turned into a happy grin, as he bounded of towards his partner.

"Thanks Danna, un!" he said before the duo exited the room.

"... So what did you tell him?" asked Pein, trying his best not to look jealous.

"Nothing concerning you." answered the Suna-nin simply, before he too, left the table.

"... This organization gets more f***ed up every year." he grumbled, resting his face in his palm.

"Tell me about it." huffed his blue haired childhood friend.

{°}°{°}°{ ... Later at the lake ... }°{°}°{°}

"Whee! Look Hi-tan, Sempai and Hoshigaki-san are here!" squealed the immature ninja from his lovers strong, pale arms. Tobi was still wearing his mask, and had on a black body suit that covered his skin completely, where as Hidan, was swimming in his briefs ((who says they all wear boxers.))

"Hey, Pyro. What, no bikini?" teased the albino, pointing down at Deidara's brown swim shorts.

"What? Vampires that can go into the sunlight yeah? Never thought I'd see the day, hm." snapped a now pissed off blonde.

"Quit it you two, let's try and keep damage at a minimum, shall we?" said the big blue man, causing Deidara to avert his eyes. Kisame was wearing a pair of navy blue swim trunks that contrasted very nicely with his paler blue skin.

The water sparkled around him, making him look even better in the bombers eyes. _Oh my god... he's so perfect... I have to use this opportunity while I can._ thought Deidara frantically thinking of ways he could get closer to his partner, completely oblivious that Kisame was thinking about the same thing.

_Oh my gosh... He looks so cute, but not in a girlie way. I should take advantage of this and get to know him better._ thought the shark man.

"Hey, Dei, want to come swimming with me?" asked the mist ninja, nervously trying his best not to blush or look away.

" Sure- wait. What did you just call me?" questioned the Iwa ninja, his blue eyes looking straight into Kisame's golden ones.

"I- Argh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I mean- I-" he blurted out, before he was silenced by Deidara's palm.

"It's fine, never said I didn't like it, yeah." he mumbled, looking down at his feet, not realizing Kisame's desperate attempts to remove Deidara's palm from his face, as said hand started to lick him.

"Dei-" he managed to say n between licks.

"Hm? What is- Oh god-"

"JASHIN!"

"SHUT THE F*** UP!" screamed the upset blonde, before turning back towards the violated ninja. "I'm so sorry Kisame, it won't happen again, yeah!" said the excusatory blonde.

"It's fine... Dei." he managed. _Damn, I almost kissed his hand. Not exactly the best way to impress someone, I'll tell you that._

"Um... can I call you... Kisa, then." asked the blonde, forcing himself to look at the tall, beautiful man in from of him.

"Sure. Well then, _**Dei**_, want to go swimming with me?" he asked, nudging the other in the ribs.

"Of course, _**Kisa**_, un." he replied raising one eyebrow and smirking in a cocky way.

As they walked in deeper -the water reaching the middle of Deidara's stomach, and the beginning on Kisame's hips- along the little shallow path that could be used to walk into the middle of the lake, before dropping of in the middle and the sides, Hidan burst into song on the shore.

"**KISA AND DEIDEI, SITTING IN A F***ING TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-N-G!**" He yelled, buckling over in maniacal laughter.

"**OH YEAH, SMARTA**? APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T SPELL, KISSING ONLY HAS ONE N, UN!**" yelled back the irate blonde.

"W-Well... SHUT UP! YOU THINK YOUR ALL F***ING THAT?!" retorted the livid Jashinist, before stalking off towards the other end of the sandy area, dragging a reluctant Tobi with him.

"... I always thought he was smarter than that." snorted Kisame sarcastically.

"looks can be deceiving, yeah." stated the artist calmly.

"... So... Now what?" asked Kisame, kinda nervous.

"... Let's play hide and seek, yeah!" said Deidara, enthusiastically.

"_Hide and seek_?" questioned Kisame raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I think Tobi is rubbing of on me, hm." he stated simply.

"all right, but just to warn you, I swim like a shark, and see like a hawk." boasted the blue skinned man.

"Well then, you must have one f***ed up parentage, yeah." teased Deidara. "Now get counting, un."

"all right 1... 2... 3... 4..." he counted, slowly making his way to twenty.

_all right, now to hide..._ thought Deidara, surprised when the sand underneath him dropped off, and a small, but deadly current caught him, dragging him down towards the middle of the lake, where the water filled out into the underground river.

_Oh crap!_ He thought, starting to panic and thrash underneath the water to no avail _I never learnt how to swim like Kisame. There was no need to learn in Iwagakure, you hardly ever get to swim..._ He thought as the light on the surface of the water started to fade,

_I wonder if he'll miss me... Kisame..._

And then the water swallowed him, dragging him down into the dark abyss.

A/N: Gasp! Chapter 10! It's done! With a cliff hanger!

PS. Happy song is right here .com/watch?v=QVhlnR9fp7w (only one I can find of it. Made by my school friend.)

PS. The Ladder approach for all you non swimmers, are the steps taken to rescue a drowning person. get it? DROWNING?

Previous Page:[link]

Chapter 10: HERE!

Next chapter: Coming... NEVER! Nah, just kidding, probably sometime in the next 3 days...

A/N: Contest Info!!!

**What?**: Draw/ write me a funny love scenario you would love to see in my fic, and send it to me either through PM/Review at or through Comment on this story at [link]

**Prizes:**

-Your idea put into my fic/ picture on top of DA page (depending on size n' stuff.)

-A commission of your choice (Writing/ Drawing)

-Dedication mention in the chapter

Not rated by drawing skill, but by idea or random drawing from a hat.

Good luck, and hopefully you will join, unless you want me to make Kakuzu and Zetsu have a baby, and trust me, that wouldn't be too pretty if you ask me.


	12. Dead

Chapter #11: Dead

**Kisame's POV**

"19... 20..." I finished, turning around.

"Well, I wonder where the little blonde is." not wasting anytime in attempting to find his chakra, surprised when I sensed it deep under the water being flaunted around like a homing beacon.

"that's weird. He wouldn't usually be this flashy, and there's _way_ to much chakra for it to be a bomb... unless he's trying to kill me." i mumbled to myself, deciding to risk going under, since I was pretty sure he wouldn't try to kill me as as a spur of the moment thing.

I dived down, heading straight down, pushing the chakra down to my feet to push me faster.

Scanning the area quickly, I found him sinking quickly, being pulled down by the current. I watched him float, he looked almost like he was unconscious. Then it finally clicked. He _was_ unconscious.

_Oh sh**!"_ I thought, dashing towards him, hooking my arms under his, and holding his head still the way we learned in Kirigakure swim training.

_Thanks God swimming was part of the academy curriculum or I wouldn't know what to do._ I thought, pushing my chakra back to my feet to get us back to the surface as quickly as possible.

I gasped for air as soon as we broke the surface. I kicked back towards the sandy beach area surrounding the lake, and dragged the blonde into the middle. Deidara was still unconscious, and I didn't know how much water he had swallowed, so I wracked my brain frantically for the steps followed to give medical assistance to a unconscious victim.

_O.k. first, it's A,B,Cs. Airway, breathing, circulation._ I thought, quickly assessed the situation, tilting his chin up and moving my ear down beside his mouth, not feeling the usual tingling feeling against the sensitive part of my cheek.

_Oh God! He needs CPR!_ I thought. "O.k. don't panic, we learnt all this at the academy..." I thought, taking a deep breath, and exhaling slowly.

I closed my eyes and leaned down over my precious crush, finding the determination needed to save him.

Pinching his nose, I gave him two short breaths, and then thirty compressions. I followed this pattern five times, before checking his breathing again.

Unable to hear anything, I continued, repeating this process fifteen times, before I sat back, panting from exhaustion.

Checking his breathing one last time, I was happy to feel the slight tingle of air on the side of my face, signaling that he was still alive, and breathing.

I listened closer, his breaths coming in short raspy gasps, but still coming.

I let go of a breath I hadn't notice I was holding, and looked down at the blonde, coughing and sputtering now, but still unconscious.

I started to turn him over into the semi prone position, but before I knew what was happening, i felt something warm moving against my lips.

I tried to jump back and pull the offender off me, they're blonde locks hanging into my eyes.

_Wait a second. __**Blonde**__ locks?_ I thought realizing who was on top of me, pulling him off of me only to see his confused and slightly disappointed face.

_What. The. Hell._ I thought looking at him in shock.

**Deidara's POV**

Vivid colors flashed in front of my eyes, too jumbled to make any sense. I felt like something was crushing me, pushing me down into the darkness. I had never felt this vulnerable before.

_I must be dead, un. There's no other way to explain it. What a horrible way to die, yeah. So... un artistic. I bet Sasori-Danna will be laughing at my funeral... If they can convince Kakuzu to spare some cash for the occasion, yeah._ I thought, as things started to get clearer.

All of a sudden, I started coughing, and everything started to get brighter.

Then it all turned white, and I opened my eyes only to be laying on the sand, beside the same lake I died in. The only differences were that I was no longer in the water, and that the most beautiful person I had ever seen was leaning over me, his face less than an inch away from my mouth. I wonder why, he couldn't be dead to could he?!

_Kisame... Wait! I know what this is yeah! God is giving me the chance to tell Kisame I love him before I depart from this world, hm!_ I thought, deciding it was the most rational explanation.

_All I want before I die... is a kiss,yeah. Then I will go willingly._ I thought.

Next thing I new, I had thrown my arms around my partner and pressing my lips against his.

He tried to shove me off, but I clung on for dear life.

Once he finally pulled me off him, he looked at me in shock.

We sat there for a few minutes while I gathered all my will power to tell him that I had to leave, when he wrapped his arms around me, laying his forehead on my shoulder and let out a nervous laugh.

"Your okay. I thought I was going to lose you." he said, choking back tears of happiness.

Taken aback, I started to figure out how I was going to tell him _why_ I had kissed him when I realized a very important detail:

**I was alive.**

I reached up to touch my face, feeling the now dry skin beneath my fingers. I slapped myself, catching Kisame's attention, who then grabbed my wrist before I could do more.

"WHY, in Gods name are you slapping yourself!" he asked pouting slightly, looking like a five year old when you try to punish them.

"Because I'm alive,yeah." I said, sounding dazed.

That's when I realized our faces were inches apart.

I held my breath, a slight blush tinting my cheeks.

Kisame seemed to realize, and did something I never would have expected in a thousand years.

He slapped himself in the face and stated simply "Apparently I am too." A toothy grin spreading across his face.

We chuckled before he leaned in to rest his head in the crook of my neck, earning a gasp from my mouth.

"Now is as good as anytime to tell you I have feelings for you." he said, placing a kiss on my neck and leaning back. "what do you say?"

"Can't you tell already?" i asked, pushing him down onto the sand before kissing him passionately.

We stayed like that for a little while, before Kisame grabbed me by my shoulders, bringing me down closer, as he licked my lips, asking for entrance.

I paused, having never gone this far before, and slowly let him in.

He definitely wasn't skilled, but his actions were loving, and that was more important to me then any technique.

After a while, he let me enter his mouth, tasting him for the first time.

I thought he would taste like, well..._fish_. But instead, he tasted something salty and sweet. kind of like chocolate covered pretzels. It was intoxicating.

Unfortunately, if we wanted to stay alive, we needed to come up for air eventually.

"So... Does this mean were..." he asked, trailing of to link his pinky with mine.

"Hm... I wonder. Maybe... If you can catch me, yeah!" I teased, giving him a loving peck on the lips, before jumping up and running back towards the base.

"Not fair!" he shouted "While I was busy trying to revive you, all you had to do was lie there!" he said, giving chase to me, wrapping his arms around my middle.

"Oh yes, because drowning is so easy." I said sarcastically, making him smirk.

"Well, then, I had better teach you how to swim." he retorted, a cocky grin plastered over his face.

"Well then, if you don't mind, the void" he motioned towards his stomach "Needs to be filled." he said grabbing my hand and dragging me back to the base.


	13. Swapping positions lemons!

Tobi's POV Don't say I didn't warn you~! PS. This is my first lemon ((If your on DA, the areas are censored, and can only be found on . The link is in the description if you want to read it.))

Chapter #12: Swapping positions

**Third person POV**

"The little sh**s, this is the second day in a row they arrive late!" grumbled the obviously pissed off miser. "WHY, do we have to wait for them again?" he asked harshly turning his gaze towards a certain red head leader.

"Because Konan says so." he stated simply. Earning him another harsh look from the older man.

"Again, WHY?!" he fumed, his eyes shooting daggers across the table.

"_Because, if we don't, you will suffer the wrath of female hormones._ **Damn she's pissy when she PMSs. Trust me, you do NOT want to get on her bad side.**"

Answered a voice all too familiar -by Konan standards at least- to the tan 85 year old.

"And you know this how?" he asked, calming down when he realized it was his lover talking. He moved over to place his hand on the inside of his boyfriends thigh.

"_Let's just say that make-out session in the TV room didn't go unpunished._" he trailed off.

Kakuzu gulped, and continued to rub his hand down the inside on his seme's thigh, tracing intricate patterns and making the smaller man shivering beneath his touch when the two latecomers stumbled into the room, laughing.

"Why are you two late?" Kakuzu asked, his earlier anger rising again.

"Because, Deidara almost drowned." Kisame replied with a smile that didn't match what he said.

"And _WHY_ are you so f***ing happy about that?" asked an intrigued Hidan, resting his head on Tobi's shoulder.

"Because we're in love, yeah!" shouted a very excited Deidara, pushing Kisame down into his chair before sitting on his lap and snuggling into him.

"That's it, I'm leaving before I catch whatever you guys got!" accused Konan, making her way towards the door before spinning on her heels and adding "because there is no way in HELL I am getting together with the Uchiha." and with that, she left, leaving the room in awkward silence.

"... So, I guess the rumors are true then." came the cool, collected voice of the Ex-Suna nin.

"What rumors yeah?" asked Deidara, honestly confused.

"That rock nins sink like well, _rocks_" he answered, the smirk apparent in his voice.

"Ha ha, and you thought _I _was f***ing dumb?" came the boisterous voice of the silver haired masochist, feeling superior.

"At least he passed kindergarten." smirked Kisame in between mouthfuls of his monstrous portion of the pasta they were having for super, causing the Jashinist to reach for his scythe.

Luckily, Tobi stopped him and dragged him off to their room, allowing the others to eat in peace.

**Tobi's POV**

"What the hell Tobi?! Let me go, I am going to f***ing kill the blue bastard!" screamed the obviously displeased masochist.

"Shut UP!" Tobi shouted as we reached our door, throwing the surprised man on his bed, before Tobi quickly jumped on him and straddled him.

"What the f***- Oh... I see, Tobi wants to ride me huh?" he assuming a lustful smirk on his face.

"No, Tobi is going to give Hidan something better." Tobi said, a look of pure confusion crossing his immortal face. "W-what?" he asked nervously, jumping when chakra Tobi took out some chakra bindings.

_Time for a taste of your own medicine._ Tobi thought, as he tied the thin chains around the jashinists arms, so as to keep him immobilized, and unable to used substitution to escape.

"W-what's going on... Tobi..?" came the uncharacteristically quiet voice beneath him.

"This time, YOU try going at it three times in a row." Tobi huffed, as he removed both of their clothes and his mask, tossing the load on the floor.

Hidan looked taken back but, after a a few moments smiled.

"all right, but no preparation, this is my first time, and I want it to hurt like hell." he said with a devilish grin.

"... all right, Tobi will do his best to make it hurt!" Tobi said, with a sweet and kind expression.

**Third person POV**

Tobi placed the tip of his leaking erection partners entrance, positioning himself for the utmost amount of pain, which is pretty much the same thing as pleasure for the albino beneath him.

Tobi took a deep breath and swiftly sheathed himself fully inside the tight heat of Hidan's ass.

"Gaah!" Hidan squirmed and arched his back, a look of pure pleasure on his pale skin.

Tobi was overwhelmed, he had never felt this before. The throbbing heat and the clenching and unclenching of Hidan's anus was almost too much to bear.

"-ove..."

"Pardon Tobi?!" Tobi asked, coming back down to earth.

"I said to f***ing move! It friggin' hurts!" screeched the irate first time uke.

"Oh! Tobi is sorry!" he said, pulling back out until only the tip was inside, and slamming back in, forcing a moan out of both the participants.

Tobi enjoyed the sound and reaction of Hidan's body, so he picked up the pace.

"HARDER!" screamed the jashinist, pulling at his restraints, as Tobi rocked his body into him at a speed only a ninja could attend.

Tobi leaned over and removed the restraints, kissing his was up his lovers body. Hidan wove his arms around Tobi's neck and he whispered hoarsely in his ear. "I'm going to cum..."

With one last thrust, Hidan shot his semen across their stomachs, and slightly on their faces. His muscles spasmed around Tobi's length, causing him to release inside of his albino lovers tight hole. They held each other close, the cum from their releases dripping down their sweaty bodies.

Tobi slowly started removed himself from Hidan's rear, when his ass was grabbed from behind, shoving his shaft back into body beneath him.

"W-what are you doing Hi-tan?!" asked a Tobi a little worried.

"... again."

"Pardon, Tobi?" he asked, beyond worried now.

"I said, let's f***ing do it again! That was the best damn f*** we've ever had. No, I'VE ever had!" he said, grinning, hugging a very scared Tobi closer.

"The pain and the pleasure are just..." he shivered at the thought. "_**amazing...**_ Please, Tobi, I don't care if I can't walk, just please, f*** me harder, again..." his words getting quieter and more needy my the second.

Tobi, being the person he was, gave in, to his seme gone uke's pleas, and they had sex until they could no longer take the exhaustion, and they fell asleep in each others arms, Tobi snuggling up to his lover and best friends chest.

{°}°{°}°{ ... The next morning ... }°{°}°{°}

"ugh..." groaned a groggy Deidara, as he sat at his usual spot, playing with his cereal.

"My god, they were LOUD, yeah." he mumbled, flicking his spoon, almost throwing the soggy flakes at Kakuzu, who dodged, sacrificing his newspaper in the process.

Kakuzu silently stared at the section he was reading, now soggy with milk and nasty looking cheerios. He sighed, putting it down on the table, and leaning back against his boyfriend, who quickly understood and started to massage his shoulders.

" At least we know who's on top." snickered Kisame the only person who got any sleep last night. "Tobi, f***, go faster!" he mimicked, forcing a small chuckle from the group of exhausted serial killers.

"_I'm curious as to what Konan will do to them._" chuckled Zetsu, now massaging Kakuzu's temples and neck.

"Technically, they weren't in a public area." stated Itachi, before returning to his book.

"..."

Itachi was a genius and prodigy at most things, but when it comes down to things like this, nobody felt like explaining it to the emotionless Uchiha.

"Hey guys. What the f*** is up." came the obnoxious voice that had echoed down ever hall last night.

"Huh?" Hidan took a step back, hiding Tobi behind him so as not to let him see the terrifying sight in front of him.

Three pairs of eyes shot deadly glances at him, promises of death in their sapphire, grey ringed and emerald surfaces, whilst the four others looked away.

Kisame bent down and whispered something in Deidara ear, who's face light up in pure terror. The others seemed to notice it too, because they all had the same expression -well, all except for Itachi but really, what did you expect?

"What the hell are you all so f***in afraid of?" he asked arrogantly, deciding to put up a brave face, even though he was extremely frightened.

"Me." came the smooth, furious, and obviously feminine voice of the person standing behind him, sending shivers different from the night before down his spine to the tip of his toes.

"Oh shit..." he whispered, praying to Jashin he would live through the torture he would probably be put through.

A/N: First lemon! OMG, I hope it Doesn't suck! ,so yeah. I have fan art, did you know that?! It makes me feel so happy! Thank you everyone, especially those who read and review my stories, both on FF and on DA.


	14. Wants to make art

Chapter #13: Want's to make art

**3rd person POV**

Hidan retuned as everyone settled down for dinner, seemingly unscathed.

He walked around the table to sit down at his spot, a very uncomfortable look on his face.

"What happened, un?" asked the reluctant blonde, afraid of what he might hear.

"... She showed me something no man, human or not, deserves to see..." he responded, his eyes as big a dinner plates, an expression of pure torture seeping across his pale skin, Zetsu nodding in agreement, his white sides expression remaining impassive, while his black side looked utterly disgusted.

"... I don't think I want to know, un." the blonde quickly said, shoving the rest of his food into his mouth.

"Gah!" he howled, downing his water is seconds to cool his scalded tongue.

"Here let me help you with that." Kisame smirked, looking around to make sure Konan wasn't in the area before chugging down his glass, and reaching over to grasp the artist under the chin, pulling him into a deep kiss, letting the water flow into his mouth as they wrestled for dominance.

Unfortunately for them, they're timing couldn't have been more off, the blue haired woman walking in seconds later.

"You two. My room. NOW." she said stiffly, sending cold shivers down the couples spines as they hurried to pull away.

Kisame gulped, as they quickly shuffled along after the frustrated woman.

She lead them down the hall into her room, where she motioned them to sit down on her standard akatsuki bed.

The two young men looked at each other nervously, a heavy silence making the atmosphere even more threatening.

Kisame started to get nervous, grasping the hand of the boy next to him, and squeezing tightly.

"You two know why your here... Don't you?" came the voice of the stoic konoichi in front of them, awaiting their answer.

"Y-yes, (un)" they answered together, Kisame's grip tightening again.

"So do you know what happens when you mess with me?" she asked, spinning around turning on the TV and DVD player on the wall facing them.

"If either of you try anything again, I will double your punishment." She said, hitting the power button as the most horrible scene appeared in from of them.

Who wants to be Paris Hilton's new BFF.

The two felt a sudden pang of respect towards the jashinist for being able to survive 12 hours of this, without going insane. Even Itachi would have trouble dealing with the atrocious method.

After 8 hours of bitching girls, cat fights, back-stabbing, and money grubbing whores, Kisame was about ready to crack, until he felt something wet on the inside of his palm. Deidara, who looked like a sort of empty container, had lost his focus and allowed his hand mouths to roam free over the sensitive skin of his callused hands.

The warm and wet sensations sent shivers up the large mans spine causing his... area, to grow bigger and hotter.

"Kisame! Don't you dare be jacking off at a reality TV show while holding your boyfriends hand!" yelled the woman, who was smart enough to use her ninjutsu skills to watch the men while she relaxed in front of a smaller television -probably stolen from someone else's room- and watched the comedy network.

He struggled, having a hard time trying to hide his painfully obvious arousal, as the tongue continued to trace the creases of his fingers.

_Think of something else, ANYTHING!_ he though, grasping at thoughts that could possibly help him, when his eyes fell on the screen, showing a picture of Paris Hilton of her fluffy pink throne.

looking down, he realized he was no longer excited.

_For some reason, I can't help but feel that I have lost all the manly pride I had left._ he thought, shaking of the though.

12 hours had finally passed, and Konan had let the two ninja leave making them promise to warn her beforehand about any little _activities_, Deidara having fallen asleep with his eyes open early on, missing Kisame's little problem.

As the two of them entered the room, Deidara grabbed Kisame by the shoulders, pushing him up against the wall. Oh, Kisame could break free if he wanted, but he was too embarrassed about his earlier issue to risk anything.

"So..." he said trailing of, to gently take the shark man's hand and move it up to his mouth before he started to lick it. "you like it, yeah?" he asked, a devilish smirk crossing his pale features.

"You were awake?!" Kisame bellowed, his face turning an odd mix of purple and red.

"The entire time, yeah." he said, his smirk growing across his soft features, before he stepped back. "Kisame want's to make art, yeah." he said, thrusting his hips before running down the hall shouting the same thing.

"GET BACK HERE!" he yelled, giving chase to the artist.

**Kisame's POV**

By the time I had caught up to him, he was already in the TV room, doing his little dance, and causing everyone to laugh -except for Itachi of course.

Grabbing him by the waist with one arm, I threw him over my shoulder and dragged him back to our room, ignoring the obnoxious whistles behind me and the voice of our resident masochist "Don't do anything Tobi and I wouldn't do!" before he was silenced my a blow to the head from the only female as she ran off to find some earplugs.

"Let me down, un!" whined the young boy slung over my shoulder like a sac.

_Nothing wrong about playing with him a little bit..._ I thought.

"I'm sorry, I was under the impression you wanted to 'make art'." I said, silently smiling as he started to stutter.

"Y-you mean y-you want t-to do i-i-i... it, yeah?" he asked, baffled as to why I was doing this.

"Sure, I haven't had an offer like this in a LONG time." I teased giving myself a mental slap on the back.

Throwing him down of the bed, I slipped on top of him, pressing my body against his, his face now as read as the Kazekage's hair.

"Um... K-kisame this is kind of..." he gasped as I kissed his jaw.

"Oh come on, you don't mean to say you were playing with my feelings?" I said, teasing him more.

"N-no, un..." he quietly replied, looking down.

"Hm... then you should be fine." I mumbled, my lips pressed against his neck, when a moan escaped from his mouth.

"Hm... I wonder what THAT was." I chuckled against the tender skin of his neck.

"Uh... Kisa... un." he eyes glazed over with lust and devotion.

And that's when I jumped back yelling "Deidara want's to make art!" and thrusting my hips, turning around and running down the hall.

_And maybe we will... eventually._ I thought with a smile as he caught up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

_Until then, I want to stay like this for a little while..._

**A/N: I'm sorry to anyone who likes that show, but really, how desperate are you for friends, if you have to host a TV show to find one? O.o I hope the chapter makes sense, I broke this one into two parts sorta. I hope it works for you all. ^^ Will try and update soon, please review, I want feedback.**


	15. I want you to want me too

_((lol, lemon warning! Posted on my account. Link is at the bottom ^^. Did you all miss me?! xD ))_

Chapter #14: I want you to want me too.

**??? POV**

I wanted him. Not the way you want some thing though, no, you could never put a price on him. He's worth more than anything, anyone, but only to me.

Tonight, I will be his.

I sat there patiently. Konan had been notified, and had decided to go shopping and Hidan and Tobi were out on a mission.

There would be no one to disturb us.

I lay on his bed, patiently waiting his return.

My heart fluttered, hearing his footsteps making their way down the hall.

When he opened the door, I swear it stopped. He was so beautiful- the odd pigment of his skin, his strong build that fits me so well when he holds me, his soft lips, and his kind caring eyes that could make my heart melt just by looking at me. I wanted him. I wanted him to want me too.

Forever.

That's when I lost control- I tackled him to the floor, pressing my lips to his hungrily. He hesitated, kissing back slowly. I moved my hands up his chest, feeling his muscles move beneath my fingers. I paused, quickly removing my shirt, before continuing to kiss him passionately. our tongues wrestled, our tastes colliding. Somewhere during our frenzy, he had removed his shirt, and was now feeling up my biceps.

I reached down, and fumbled with the buttons on his pants, as he suddenly pulled away.

_"Kakuzu! what are you doing?!_ **the hell are trying to take my pants off?"** he said, blushing.

"Because I want you." I replied, my voice laced with lust as I rubbed my clothed erection against his slightly hard member, causing him to moan seductively.

_"I-I don't know Kakuzu. I never even thought about it..."_ he replied.

I was hurt, and it apparently showed on my face since Zetsu quickly said _"Bu-but it doesn't mean I don't want to, I just... never thought you would want me like THAT."_

Now I was only shocked "Why wouldn't I want you?" I questioned, not understanding how someone could NOT want him.

_Well,_** If you haven't realized, I'm a schizophrenic, cannibalistic plant man. The question isn't who WOULDN'T want me, as to who WOULD."** he stated simply.

"I would." I said, sending my threads out to grab his arms, allowing me to take his pants off without further troubles.

_**LEMON WARNING!**_

As he sat there is only his underwear -which seemed to have been a gift from Tobi, seeing at they had 'Zetsu is a good boy' written all over them- I proceeded to remove my own, surprised when Zetsu slowly removed them, trailing his hand down my thigh as he did.

I shivered under his soft touch, removing my underwear at the same time, the cold floor beneath me causing me to shiver some more.

Looking back at my lover, I realized he was getting hard quite slowly, and I couldn't wait.

He followed my gaze -blushing- with a questioning gaze.

"Maybe I should help you with that." I said, motioning towards his clothed member with my eyes.

I swiftly removed his boxers, running my fingers down the shaft slowly, felling him shake beneath me.

I leaned down, and ran my tongue down the sides agonizingly slow, listening to him whimper.

As I reached the top, I started to lick around the head, enjoying ever sound made by the beautiful man.

I slipped my tongue along the slit, listening to him moan and plead, be fore moving my mouth over his now relatively hard member and deep throating him.

I let my threads slip through my mouth, and start to pump his now prominent erection, as he whimpered, panted and moaned.

Deciding he was good enough, I pulled back, admiring Zetsu's flushed face, and he edged three fingers towards me.

I did not hesitate before putting them in my mouth, running my tongue around them, making sure they were slick -I'm not like Hidan who wants to be hurt- as my seme pulled me into his lap.

After a few minutes, the pale fingers were removed, as he turned me around so we were face to face, our erections rubbing against each other.

His dark arm was holding my hips, while his white hand slithered around to my entrance, slicking it up with the saliva on his fingers.

He put one finger at my entrance, before looking up at me. I nodded, and he began to enter it slowly, as I cringed and squirmed around it.

Once I was comfortable, he proceeded to thrust his finger in and out of me a bit faster. After a little bit, the pain started to subside, and was replaced my pure pleasure.

He then entered another finger, and we started the whole process over again.

At the third finger, I thought I could never be happier, until he curled his fingers in a certain way that made me go over the edge.

Removing myself from his fingers, I pushed Zetsu onto his back, straddling him, as I place his cock at my entrance.

"Whoa! W-what, _what_ are you doing?!" said Zetsus white side, contradicting black Zetsu's thoughts **"He he... Kinky."**

I allowed myself to drop down, his cock sliding into me, pangs of pain mixed into the waves of pleasure I was feeling.

Zetsu grabbed my hips, and started to change the pace, moving me up and down faster, his face flushed and his eyes lustful.

Finding the pace too slow, I tried to speed it up, resulting in Zetsu flipping on to my back, and spreading my legs, before re entering and a mind numbing pace.

At once point, he hit that spot that send me tumbling over the edge, as my orgasm passed through my body, clenching my muscles around his warm member, sending him into bliss with me as he released into my tight hole.

I released my semen all over our chests, getting a little bit on my face, of which Zetsu lapped up slowly.

He removed himself from me, and pulled me into his welcoming arms.

_**It's over now.**_

He picked me up carefully, and carried me to his bed. He removed the covers, and gently placed me in them, before lying down with me, and spooning up behind me, and hold me close to his chest.

His flytrap -which was folded down around his waist- came back up, to surround us in the peaceful darkness.

Together.

**Deidaras POV**

I think I am mentally scarred for life.

Kakuzu had forgotten to close the door when Zetsu entered, so the sounds of their voices filled the corridors of the hideout.

Sasori-Danna and Pein were on a date, and Kisame was out on a short solo mission so I was starting to feel quite lonely.

I thought back to yesterdays events.

"Want to make art... Did he really mean that, or was he just trying to get revenge yeah?..." I thought aloud. "I mean, everyone ELSE seems to have done it, and they all seem to be getting along, un. Maybe... Kisame, doesn't love me enough to do that- no! don't think like that un! Kisame isn't that kind of guy, that's all... but, well... maybe, he think I'm not good enough..." I continued to banter with myself.

"That's it, I will make him have me if it's the last thing I do!" I said, standing up, and heading to my room to plan.


	16. cock'tail dress

**Kisame POV **

_**tap tap tap tap**_

The rhythmic sound of feet hitting bark usually calmed me, but for some reason, I was restless.

Call it My 'animal instinct' but I was getting the feeling that something BIG was going to happen.

At MY expense.

The mission had been a short one, supposed to last about two days or so, yet the man I was supposed to murder had decided to take a little vacation and I was required to stay in the village waiting for his return next week. During this time, I had plenty of time to let my mind wander and it always seemed to come to the same conclusion- Deidara. Smiling, chasing Tobi, making his 'art', swimming, everything was Deidara, Deidara, Deidara.

Some nights, I had the most vivid and wonderful dreams of Deidara's pale skinned, muscular body sprawled on my bed underneath me, his unruly blond hair thrown wildly over the pillow and a mixed look of caring, love and lust, dragging Kisame down in to the endless sea blue of his eyes...

I would wake up flustered and hot, with a little... _problem_ in the south. I believe there was a song to describe this written by some band 'the Lonely Island' but I can't be certain.

Anyways, one thing was certain- I wanted him. Damn, I _needed_ him. I can't live without him now, it's like eating a nice meal, then returning than the usual cheap shit Kakuzu makes us eat- you can never go back.

Crappy analogy.

Either way, I couldn't wait to get home and finally find out I was wrong, and nothing was different.

I obviously didn't account for all the spare time Deidara might have had to plot, or the consequences of it.

To be honest, I thinking of the great meal I had just had.

**3rd Person POV **

The base was now back to it's busy, bustling self- Sasori was working on his Sakura puppet- much to Pein's unhappiness- Deidara was chasing after Tobi, Hidan was sacrificing some random civilian he picked up on the mission, Itachi was reading, Konan was building a house of cards, and Kakuzu was helping leader with the finances. Yes, in other words- chaos.

Kisame hardly had time to get in the door before he was crashed into and knocked into the wall.

"Kisame-sempai, save Tobi!" wailed the masked boy sarcastically, clinging to Kisame's coat "With your-"

Unfortunately, the boy never got to finish his sentence before Deidara knocked him over the head and threw the taller man aside before clinging to the baffled ninja himself.

"Damn it Tobi, he's MINE, un! Go tell that to your uke... seme... whatever!" he whined, wrapping his arms around Kisame and snuggling into his chest.

"U-uh..." Kisame muttered, slightly flustered and confused- he had never seen Deidara act this way before, and it was slightly scary.

"Kisa, un?"

"Y-yeah?" he responded quickly, realizing Deidara had pushed him the short way down the hallway to their room and he was back against the wall.

"Wanna play a game with me,un?" he mused, sounding quite coy.

"Um, I-I uh, what- You, I... sure?" he said, still confused and slightly aroused- which just made him more confused.

At this Deidara put on a sly grin.

_Yes! My plan is working,un!_ he thought, looking at the slight tent in his partners pants.

"Great! Now just sit _right_ here, un, and don't look!" the blonde giggled and ran into the bathroom.

Now that Kisame was alone, he could panic in peace.

_What was THAT about?! Seriously! Could I be any more of an idiot?! I mean, why would he be coming on to me? ME?! I mean... Sure I love him, but... I couldn't bear to hurt him, like Hidan says it does. I would be crushed._ He rambled on in his head, his mind wandering to his dreams of the blond bomber, the tent in his pants growing relatively larger.

"Alright, open your eyes, yeah!" came Deidara's chirpy voice.

Kisame obeyed, almost losing all self control to his 'animal instincts' at the sight before him.

Thee was Deidara alright, but he was Definitely different. Or should I say 'she'?

Deidara was standing there, wearing nothing but a small red dress, that fit nicely along his strong and defined hips. He looked almost like a woman.

He moved towards the entranced man, swinging his hips slightly, before wrapping his arms around the others neck and pulling him in for a slow, heated kiss.

They're tongues entwined, as Deidara pulled kisame's into his mouth, and moving his way onto his lap.

Deidara moved his hands to kisame's strong, cloaked chest and started to remove it, causing the blue man to snap back to reality.

"Wait, wait, wait! Before you start to do that kind of thing, tell me what the hell is going on!" he snapped, trying to reattach the buttons Deidara had undone.

"Because frankly, your starting to scare me. I mean, Why, and are dressed like.. well, that?" he said, waving his hand over the skimpy dress.

"um, well, because... Kakuzu-and-Zetsu-were-going-at-it-the-other-day-and-every-one-else-has-done-it-so-I-thought-you-didn't-want-to-do-this-to-me-because-you-didn't-love-me-yeah!\" he blurted out blushing furiously near the end. "S-so I thought If I dressed up as a girl you might want to more, you know, yeah?"

A moment of silence passed before Kisame started to snicker, and pulled Deidara on top of him, laying down on the bed and kissing him sloppily.

"I'll always love you! I was just afraid of hurting you like Hidan says, or going to fast." he smiled, pushing the bangs out of Deidara's big blue eyes. "If you really want to go through with this, we'll do this your way."

"Thanks Kisa, un." whispered the blond, moaning when Kisame shifted and rubbed his erection against his thigh. "If you wouldn't mind, I have a suggestion... can I be seme, un?"

**LEMON WARNING! **

Kisame quickly took of his cloak, shirt, and everything else until he was sitting on the bed in his boxers. He moved his strong hands over to Deidara's waist, running them up and down, feeling up his body through the thin fabric of the cocktail dress. Once he reached the hips, he stopped, a little uncertain about how far his hands were, when Deidara got impatient, and moved his hands down Kisame's boxers,and moving his hips up, so that Kisame's calloused hands now rested on his thighs. He quickly started to pump him, earning a throaty, growl-like moan.

Not wanting to be undone, the shark like man pushed up the edge of the dress, revealing his swelled member. Using his hands to push his legs apart,, kisame leaned down, and started to lick along his "seme's" member, blushing furiously.

Suddenly, Deidara pushed him off, laying him against the bed, as the blond moved his hand to Kisame's entrance, surprising him when his hand mouth started to lick at it, whilst his other hand and mouth, we're tweaking his nipples.

Kisame could hardly contain his arousal, considering his clothing predicament and let out a series of groans, and moans or pleasure.

Kisame clutched Deidara's body to his, and pressed his lips to Deidara's ear "Please, I need you."

These words hit Deidara like a tidal wave, and he ripped of Kisame's boxers, and his little red dress. He quickly moved one finger to his entrance, pushing it inside with ease from his hand mouthes saliva, and pushed it in and out quickly. He then put in a two more fingers and started to stretch the entrance.

Kisame was in an awkward position, and feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

He was relieved when the fingers we're removed, wrapping his legs around Deidara's slim, muscular body.

Deidara moved his member to Kisame's entrance, leaning on top of him before inching in slowly, allowing Kisame to get used to his average sized member. By the time he was half way in, Kisame grabbed his ass, pushing him inside of the tight heat completely, causing both of them to moan deeply.

Deidara had never felt this kind of pleasure before, and he couldn't contain his need anymore, and he started to pound into the bigger man beneath him and a mind numbing pace.

On the other hand, Kisame was experiencing a whole new kind of pleasure. Having Deidara pound into him and brush his prostate was an exhilarating feeling, on top of the friction Deidara's body was giving his hard member.

The two were moaning, and Deidara was practically screaming Kisame's name, when Deidara moved slightly, and hit Kisame's prostate dead on, unleashing Kisame's orgasm, as his muscles spasmed around Deidara's member, and he moaned Deidara's name over and over, releasing his semen on his seme's face. During this time, Deidara was in heaven, and he was seeing white spots in his vision. After a few more thrusts, he released his semen inside of Kisame, pulling out as he finished, spilling it on the sheets slightly.

The two of them lay there panting, side by side, sweat and semen dripping down their bodies, as Kisame leaned down and kissed Deidara lovingly, and whispering in his ear.

"I love you."

"Me too, un."

And they both floated off to sleep.

**3rd person POV **

The akatsuki learned a good lesson that day- their base needed to be soundproofed and there was a REALLY nice echo in the kitchen.

Everyone had stayed to hear the activities going on in the swordsman and bombers room -well except for one.

Btu Itachi doesn't really count.


End file.
